Single's Awareness Day

"Shallow men believe in luck...Strong men believe in cause and effect." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is the post that started it all.  I'm now at the point in my life where I'm okay that I'm single.  Even if I'm single for many years to come.  I'm not alone and I'm certainly not lonely.  Honestly I'd rather be single and be happy then to be miserable and lonely with the wrong guy.  I use to view Valentine's Day as something black and ugly.  I'm usually always alone or with some guy and always disappointed.  I've termed this day "Single's Awareness Day."  This year I have my beautiful baby and although the wheels of fate didn't quite move in the direction I had expected them to, I wouldn't have it any other way.  She deserves a "real daddy" and I deserve a "real man."  No more settling.  So in light of up coming Single's Awareness Day I'm going to do a countdown to the day with specific traits I'm looking for in a mate...21 days, 21 Requirements, so here goes. *I have a feeling this list will get added as I find time to actually "date" again...LOL

Requirement #21) Must have a job...I don't care if he works the drive thru window at DD....he must make an honest income.

Requirement #20) must be comfortable enough in his manhood to understand that the phone works both ways...none of this wait 3 days to call BS...if you're thinking about me (or your daughter) pick up the damn phone

Requirement #19) Must be in reasonably good physical health/shape...I'm not saying he needs to be a contender for the next Ironman, but he needs to be able to go for a walk, work a job, and do some misc "manly" chores like shovel or mow the lawn without throwing out his back, knee or having a stroke....unless he's really rich and will leave me all his money...JOKING! *also added to this one, he must be willing to do some of the "guy stuff" like home repair, plumbing, you know...guy chores...which gives me an idea for another blog...

Requirement #18) must not be married, have any crazy exes that demand his attention and/or display stalking characteristics or otherwise be "unavailable" because of high demands from any other woman aka "mama"...I hope this one doesn't really require an explaination...non-negotible

Requirement #17) Must be a non-smoker, drug free, and a light to non-drinker...sorry for this one, but with a small baby now I need someone clean, responsible and healthy

Requirement #16) He must love and accept my child as his own and be willing to adopt her. We are a package deal and my baby deserves a daddy that will love her, support her and be there for her. My stepdad did this for me so I know that there are real men out there willing to take on a child that isn't "biologically" theirs ♥

Requirement #15) must enjoy cooking (or at least eating) and be willing to cook for me or at least with me once in awhile. I need a foodie, but a true blue foodie. I don't even care if what he makes me is just a PB&J...nothing screams sexual tension more than two cooks in a kitchen ;) Just don't tell me HOW to cook...I hate that...suggestions and new ideas are okay

Requirement #14) must be financially responsible...I'm not talking zero debt here, but you should make sure your bills are paid before buying a new video game for your Xbox...a little spending money and fun is okay but I don't want another person to support on my already pitiful income.

Requirement #13) excellent communication skills....the foundation to every relationship. I can talk for hours about nothing of great importance and that means a lot. I need a partner that will really listen to me, be my partner, be my best friend. When I speak I want to know that he's listening and that when he speaks, I listen. Interupting is not communication.

Requirement #12) must have individual interests and friendships outside of the relationship. I have my own and I think its healthy to maintain that seperateness...aside from unhealthy addictions anyway. Also important to share and participate in mutual interests and friendships ♥

Requirement #11) I want someone who will sometimes put me first before himself and others....very often in relationships I've taken the back burner...like my birthday...I was alone and pregnant while he was with his ex gf working on her car...that's not even kinda okay...

Requirement #10) must be content with low maintence fun as well as more elaborate fun. I.E. sitting on the couch watching a DVD as well as getting all dolled up for a night on the town. A girl loves variety...I'm more low key thou ;)

Requirement #9) to accept me for who I am, everything I have to offer. Know all of my faults but love me unconditionally

Requirement #8) must know how to argue constructively. In a relationship it's healthy to have disagreements, to voice concerns and issues. To talk about feelings without it getting heated, angry or involving name calling and bringing up the past.

Requirement #7) must have a high moral standard...that means he doesn't lie, cheat or steal....and especially doesn't cheat on me. I want a true blue faithful family man, always tells me the truth even if it will hurt. A real man doesn't hurt the ones he loves. So if he hurts you, it's not love.

 Requirement #6) must be compassionate, empathetic and caring. I'm the kind of girl that will stop the car and help a turtle across the road and drop everything when a friend needs me (within reason of course...no needy types) and I'd like my match to be equally as kind.

Requirement #5) I want a guy, 1 guy to prove that they aren't all the same...one without jealousy issues because I have guy friends and we talk and get together from time to time.

Requirement #4) I want someone who brings out the best in me, makes we want to be a better person. Someone that can teach me how to trust and believe in love again. Falling in love is the best feeling in the world ♥

Requirement #3) must have good dental hygiene...I appologize if this makes me a snob

Requirement #2) he must be himself at all times. My family can be a bit intimidating, but they are real accepting of people who don't try to impress them and are just themselves. We can see through fake a mile away. Besides...who wants to be someone they not?...self improvement sure, but if you don't like you ultimately I won't either

Requirement #1) must have goals, ambitions and drive. Some of my future goals include opening a coffee shop and building my dream home.  I want someone who is always pushing themselves to do better.

Requirement #1 part 2) must love to give and receive affection. Not necessarily in public but I'm a huge cuddler and love to hug, kiss and hold hands

So this post originated as a sort of joke on Valentine's Day.  A way to sort of snub my nose at the whole thing I guess, to make a joke of it.  As I reflect on the past 3 weeks, all the thought that went into these requirements, I've had a real eye opener. There's a lot of crap I've put up with over the years in my relationships.  I always thought that it was me, that I was setting unrealistic expectations on people.  In reality I was enabling them.  I didn't challenge them enough, I made it easy.  Now's the time to be honest with myself and to stop settling.  To realize my worth and what I have to offer another individual.  Now that I've rid myself of all the crap and drama I'm happier than I've been in years.  I'm discovering who I am and who I'm capable of being.  I'm accomplishing things I never dreamed possible.  Finding that self worth is amazing.  No man can do that for you, or at least if they can I've yet to find him.  True growth and change comes from within.  Perhaps I needed to open my eyes and see myself better.  Now for the first time I'm excited to find love.  Now I truly know what I'm looking for.  I'd never really thought it through before.  There were always things I just "overlooked" or figured I could "tolerate." It's refreshing to have standards.  It cuts out all of the junk in the middle because if we're honest, when you settle, you will never truly be happy.