Struggling to not miss anything

So I probably had the worst week imaginable emotionally.  We're talking like every day wanting to quit my job bad.  Sometimes I really resent having to work when my real job is staying home with Mak.  If I were married and had a husband that could support the family I'd seriously think about being a SAHM, but realistically I know I can't.  I have a good job too, good hours, great benefits, I really can't complain...much. It's just a strain.  Anyway, my week was awful, but coming home to seeing my smiling, giggling girl makes it all go away.  The last few days she's been a lot more mobile.  Crawling and moving around, getting into everything.  It's so adorable...now.  I know I will choke on these words, but I'm absolutely gaga and could waste hours upon hours watching her grow.  The time is flying by, it bothers me more and more that he's missing it.  By he I don't mean her father, he has shown mild to zero interest so I just let sleeping dogs lay.  It's easier that way, less drama.  I mean the real man, the real man that is meant to be her daddy.  It's so hard.  I want to share these moments with someone.  Sure there's family and all my closest friends.  They don't see everything though.  They aren't here to share in her milestones the way a father could and should be.  I don't feel sorry for myself, I feel sorry for Mak.  It's moments like this that I want to reach out to him, want him to care, but he doesn't, so I don't.  This girl I know married into that family today.  That dysfunction.  God bless her.  She's a nice girl, has had my back more than once and I'm thankful.  A bit late, but better than never.  It bugs me that she did.  Not sure why.  Maybe I wish better for her, love is blind.  I wish her the best.  Back to Mak.  If it wasn't for Mak I wouldn't care about finding love for myself.  I'd be fine.  Bitter and old, but fine.  LOL.  She deserves better, she deserves a daddy's love.  She's consumed by love.  Love basically swallows her up wherever she goes.   A daddy's love is different.  Perhaps it's because of my own dysfunctional relationship with my own father that makes me feel this way.  I grew up with an amazing stepfather and I'll be eternally grateful to him.  It's the daddy's love that a little girl aches for.  I know that feeling.  I hated that feeling.  Still do.  He turned from me a few months ago when we ran into him at the grocery store.  He saw us, turned his cart and huffed off.  That stung.  For years I've been the one to avoid him.  I was about to muster up the courage to introduce him to his grand-daughter and he was gone.  While I want better for Mak, I also want better for me.  Even with an amazing stepdad to take his place, I still ache for his love.  I just hope Mak is stronger than me.  Maybe never knowing her father will make that easier.  Can you ache for a love if you don't know it?  Sometimes, okay, all the time.  I feel like I would have been better off never knowing my father.  Hopefully this turns out to be true for her.  Okay...I hadn't intended for this post to get so deep.  My point is, if her "daddy" can't be here to watch her grown and turn into an amazing little girl, I'll have to be both.  Hopefully I don't miss anything, but with everything happening so fast I'm afraid I will.  Slow down baby girl, mama can barely keep up.