married moms vs. single moms

One thing I noticed during my single girl years was that more often then not, single women  are viewed differently by married women.  Like we are some sort of preditory creature that is trying to steal their man.  It bothered me, but I usually just let it roll.  After all, that's not my style, to steal another woman's man.  Now that I'm a single mom I'm a lot more sensitive to it.  Of course it's certainly not as realistic that a single mom would steal away a man from his family.  At least I wouldn't see it as a threat as much as a single woman would be.  Maybe that's just because I know what being a single mom is like.  I have zero time for myself let alone trying to find time to date and get to know someone...I have no time to even THINK about meeting someone.  I'd open up an online account if I  thought I would even have the time for a phone conversation or emails, but the reality is there.  It doesn't exist.  Every day I see these women complain about their husbands.  They do something nice for them and they still complain.  I once heard this woman complain that her husband bought her chocolate and she was mad because she was on a diet. I wanted to hit her over the head.  Often women complain their husbands work too much...probably to provide them the lifestyle that they have grown accustom too.  How about you do with less and then you can have your husband around more?  And when your husband goes away on a business trip? news flash! You are not a "single parent for the weekend."  Just because you suddenly have to do everything yourself for a few days doesn't even sort of put you in the single parent category.  I could go on all day.  The bottom line, if you have a good man, value him more.  The really good men are very hard to find.  If your man really is useless than why would I want him anyway?  Woman are not the enemy here and yet we treat eachother as if we are.  Now, if you are truly stupid enough to let one of the good ones get away, well then I have no sympathy for you....and that's another blog post.

The Hardest Part

The hardest part about being a single mom is accepting your life at face value.  Yes it is hard, yes you never get a break.  Yes you are lonely, but it's a different kind of lonely.  You always have someone with you and if you ever find yourself with true alone time you are completely clueless as to what to do with that time.  You are lonely for that someone to share the joys with.  Yes it would be nice to have someone pick up the slack, but for me it's the wanting someone to share the good, the bad, the struggles and the miracles with.  Mak has decided she's a big girl now and has self-weened.  Granted I'm going to look back at this time and be grateful that it was her decision and not mine, but it makes me sad.  Sad for the little girl that is growing up so very fast.  She is not a baby anymore and I struggle with the word "toddler." Not ready to go there yet. I find myself crying almost daily.  I know that some of it is the hormones and all that that go with not nursing and all that mumbojumbo stuff.  I can rationalize all of it and I totally get  it.  For me, the hardest part is accepting the fact that I am a single mom.  That she might be the only baby I get to have.  I'm certainly not getting any younger and while  I don't want to lose hope on finding someone. I  need to be realistic too.  I don't want to be that sappy mom getting her hopes up and getting hurt.  I need to be a strong rolemodel for my daughter as I am both mom and dad to her.  It's hard.  Of course with this whole growing up thing she is also sleeping through the night now so I really can't complain.  And I know that as she grows and changes and learns that I'm not losing a baby, but gaining a little companion.  I get that, I  do.  It's just hard for me to let go.  Some days I want to scoop her up and put her back inside my belly.  It fills me with  such an emptiness that I may never experience that feeling again.  Who knows.  Maybe in a couple of years I'll reconcider and decide being a single mom of 2 wouldn't be that much harder.  Then I'll talk myself out of it.  For now, I'll just ache for the life I'll talk myself out of wishing and hoping for and just try to live in the "what is."

Discovering Pinterest

So I was hoping not to get sucked into the world of Pinterest. So far the obsession hasn't gotten too out of control. Pinterest is the Mecca of kid crafts. It was recommended to me by a fellow mommy and I've found lots of great ideas! Doing crafts with a 1 yr old is interesting.  Their attention span is about 5 minutes so there's no way she's ready to do actual crafts, but I can tell she gets bored with regular play.  Here are the crafts we have tried that she loved.  We made jello playdough. This is a work in progress, but smells amazing!  I want to make lots more in different colors and smells  and watch her go for it.  Righ now she just tries to eat it, it smells like grape.  I  don't blame her.  I also found recipes for gingerbread playdough and peanutbutter playdough.  Yeah, that's next. ;) I also took a ziploc bag and filled it with different colors of finger paint. I taped this to the table under her food tray. This is awesome! It's squishy and fun with no mess and she can play with it for days.  It makes after meal clean up so much easier too because it entertains her while I clean the mess.  Next I've taken empty water bottles and one I filled with pieces of pipe cleaners and hot glued the cap on.  She loves it! When she gets bigger, she can run a magnet over it and watch the pieces cling to it.  Another bottle I filled with dried lentils and beans, colorful stuff.  She likes to shake it.  I'm going to do another with some different colored pastas and stuff.  Always hot glue the cap on so we don't have choking issues.  I love these ones because it's a cheap toy that will amuse for hours.  I also found one about how to refinish one of those plastic picnic tables for kids.  I'm hoping to pick one up that I found next week for $10.  Super cute crafty ideas on  pinterest.  There's something for everyone.  A huge time suck though.  Super glad right now that I don't have an Ipad, but might need to request one for Christmas.  Facetime with the grandparents in Florida is always a necessary with a little baby.  Course  she's a toddler now.  How did this happen?  I missed so much while I was too  busy trying to control the direction of my life.  I'm gonna shut up and play now.  It's amazing how facinating watching her learn and play is.  She discovers something new about something so ordinary every day. It's a constant eye opener and I love seeing the world  through her eyes.  It makes it much more beautiful and enjoyable to see the world through the eyes of a child. <3

He's Not Perfect...

Perfect words that say oh so much.  I'm not looking for perfect, just perfect for me.

Being Careful what you wish for, you might just get it

So about the time I hit 30, I was convinced I'd be a single mom.  I had promised myself that if I was still single at 35 I would just go and do it.  Get a donor and be a mom.  Being a mom is the only thing that I would be truly upset about missing out on.  Well, when 30 hit I just knew in my gut that 35 was much too far away.  I became obsessed with having a baby. I was buying diapers and baby clothes long before I even got pregnant.  I suppose it's no surprise that my subconscience would find, well, basically a donor to father my child.  A guy that virtually disappeared.  So I got my wish.  I'm a single mom.  Funny how when you get exactly what you wish for you begin to wonder what you were thinking.  Honestly I don't regret a thing.  This way I can find her a real man to be a father.  The daunting task of doing that however isn't as easy as I guess I imagined it would be.  Let's be realistic, dating is hard.  Dating is even harder when you have a child.  Honestly I'm not even sure I want to date.  I also don't want to be alone forever.  Although I'm not alone, I have Mak.  Recently I've been dealing with a lot of junk from my past that's brought up a lot of memories and feelings that I had surpressed long ago.  I'm finally seeking closure which has me feeling amazing.  I'm also realizing that what I've been willing to put up with in relationships in the past no longer seems tolerable now.  Especially when I have Mak to consider.  I'm gonna start being selective, less settling.  After all we deserve extraordinary.  My Single's Awareness Day post had been a sort of spoof.  Like my requirements were laughable.  Hardly being demanding whatsoever.  Those are qualifications that any decent human being should have.  Those requirements have also been thrown in my face by a few individuals that quite frankly.."just didn't get it." I did this for Mak.  All of it.  She's the baby I always wanted and was scared I'd never have.  I worked very hard to get her here with me and now I'm going to give her the very best I can.  She deserves far better than I ever had.  No father is better than a lousy father.  I'm not just looking for a father for her, I'm looking for love for me.  Real love, and real love shouldn't be hard.  Yes relationships take work, but they shouldn't be all about work.  It  should be fun and easy and exciting even when doing the simplest things.  Anything that you have to basically drive yourself batty working for isn't worth it in the end.  You lose sight of who you are while you are busy trying to fit this mold of what the other person thinks you should be.  We deserve the world and this mama isn't settling for anything less.  I've always been the type that doesn't sit back and let life happen.  Life is what happens when you are too busy making plans.  From now on I'm going to enjoy my little girl while she laughs and plays and learns and discovers and loves.  I could never get tired of watching her, she's such an  amazing little person and I'm in complete awe that I created her.  I had it in my head I was going to be a mom and I made it happen, for better or for worse.  Perhaps that's the only relationship in this lifetime that I truly ever really needed to begin with.  She completes me <3

Learning to cut myself a little slack

So when I ventured into this rollercoaster called motherhood, I vowed that I'd be THAT mom, or wouldn't be that mom...I'd be the mom that cloth diapered, made her own baby food.  My kid will never throw tantrums or be spoiled, will eat wholesome home cooked meals every day...blahblahblah.  Well, I've managed to do some of that, but, I have noticed that I should cut myself a little slack sometimes.  Yes I'm a single mom, yes I do everything alone, yes I'm beyond exhausted most days and it's a constant struggle just to keep my head above water.  And am I hard on myself when I fall short of my own expectations? You bet.  Now why is that?  Why, when I'm my biggest ally do I kick myself when I'm down? So what if Mak doesn't get all 5 food groups at every meal?  I gave her a chicken nugget today...okay two...for lunch...with no vegetables...it won't kill her.  It's easy for me to blame others for why I'm the way I am.  Blame the parents, it's easy.  The heart of the problem lies in me.  What's with the constant need to be a superhero?  I think if I learned to cut myself a little slack I'd be a much stronger person and my mental health would be, well...better.  Easier said then done for a perfectionist. *sigh* At the end of the day nothing else matters except that Mak is happy and that I was the best mom I could be today.  Ten years from now she won't care if the house was clean or organized, the dishes were washed, she ate a balanced meal or that her clothes were stained.  All that will matter is that I was a good mom, that I played with her, read her stories, made her giggle.  Those moments of joy mean everything to me.  I need to learn to just live in the moment and to hell with everything else.  To let go of the meaningless drama, the constant need to over-achieve and the inner battle with myself to make sure everyone around me is happy.  All that matters is me and my little girl.  Plus if someone has a problem with my messy house, well they are more than welcome to come clean it for me while I play with my little girl ;)

True Happiness Lies Within

* This was written months ago and saved in drafts...I should have listened harder to myself back then.

I use to look to others for my happiness.  I guess I felt the responsiblity didn't reside in myself.  Perhaps it has to do with being chronically disappointed by my father my whole childhood.  Throughout life I continued to find men that always disappointed me.  I thought that maybe I didn't deserve better, didn't deserve happiness.  I've begun to realize that the choices I made, the people I surrounded myself with, were all factors in my happiness level.  That ultimately it was up to me.  A good manta to live by is, "is it better to be right or to be happy?" I chose happy and I haven't looked back since.  Since having Mak, my life has been complete bliss.  Turned upside down but bliss.

lessons learned

So sorry I've been absent so long.  Since February, wow.  Well the last time I was here I was on cloud nine.  Sadly I've down spiraled since then.  I was entering into a relationship with someone I barely knew.  As we progressed there was more and more that I discovered I didn't like.  Not with him necessarily, but I didn't like who I was becoming.  Basically he didn't bring out the best in me.  I lost sight of who I was and who I was as a mother.  That's my most important job, being Mak's mom and I was slacking.  I'm back now.  I feel hope.  More importantly I feel happiness.  A life without drama is a beautiful thing and let's face it, I was letting the drama consume me.  The he said/she said BS...who really needs it anyway.  At the end of the day all that matters is how you feel about yourself.  How Mak feels about me.  That's what's important.  If I'm alone forever than so be it.  If I love me then I've already won.

Leap Day

Women propose to their men

According to an old Irish legend, or possibly history, St Bridget struck a deal with St Patrick to allow women to propose to men – and not just the other way around – every 4 years. This is believed to have been introduced to balance the traditional roles of men and women in a similar way to how Leap Day balances the calendar.
In some places, Leap Day has been known as “Bachelors’ Day” for the same reason. A man was expected to pay a penalty, such as a gown or money, if he refused a marriage proposal from a woman on Leap Day. In many European countries, especially in the upper classes of society, tradition dictates that any man who refuses a woman's proposal on February 29 has to buy her 12 pairs of gloves. The intention is that the woman can wear the gloves to hide the embarrassment of not having an engagement ring. During the middle ages there were laws governing this tradition.

I'm just going to follow this with...I could get in a lot of trouble today.  I've recently met someone, well technically we haven't met, but we will.  Soon.  Anyway, even though we are hundreds of miles apart and haven't technically met one another.  I feel closer to him and far more connected than I think I ever have.  He can be oh so far away and yet I find comfort in knowing that if I needed him, he'd be there.  It doesn't matter that he's not physically here, sitting next to me.  I can just feel the connection.  Anyway now I'm rambling...My point is...this has all happened very quickly, but that doesn't frighten me.  In many ways I'm tempted to test out this old tradition.  To take that leap, not necessarily propose marriage, but just take that leap.  I guess in a way I am.  In many ways leap year feels like magic and leap day even more magical.  I'm very excited about the possibilities.  I mean I have nothing to lose.  Just taking a chance at love and possibilities of happiness.  Afterall, isn't that what we are all hoping to find in this one life?  Any ounce of happiness that comes my way, any chance at all...I'm going to hold on tight with both hands and hang tight for it's sure to be one hell of a ride.

Struggling to not miss anything

So I probably had the worst week imaginable emotionally.  We're talking like every day wanting to quit my job bad.  Sometimes I really resent having to work when my real job is staying home with Mak.  If I were married and had a husband that could support the family I'd seriously think about being a SAHM, but realistically I know I can't.  I have a good job too, good hours, great benefits, I really can't complain...much. It's just a strain.  Anyway, my week was awful, but coming home to seeing my smiling, giggling girl makes it all go away.  The last few days she's been a lot more mobile.  Crawling and moving around, getting into everything.  It's so adorable...now.  I know I will choke on these words, but I'm absolutely gaga and could waste hours upon hours watching her grow.  The time is flying by, it bothers me more and more that he's missing it.  By he I don't mean her father, he has shown mild to zero interest so I just let sleeping dogs lay.  It's easier that way, less drama.  I mean the real man, the real man that is meant to be her daddy.  It's so hard.  I want to share these moments with someone.  Sure there's family and all my closest friends.  They don't see everything though.  They aren't here to share in her milestones the way a father could and should be.  I don't feel sorry for myself, I feel sorry for Mak.  It's moments like this that I want to reach out to him, want him to care, but he doesn't, so I don't.  This girl I know married into that family today.  That dysfunction.  God bless her.  She's a nice girl, has had my back more than once and I'm thankful.  A bit late, but better than never.  It bugs me that she did.  Not sure why.  Maybe I wish better for her, love is blind.  I wish her the best.  Back to Mak.  If it wasn't for Mak I wouldn't care about finding love for myself.  I'd be fine.  Bitter and old, but fine.  LOL.  She deserves better, she deserves a daddy's love.  She's consumed by love.  Love basically swallows her up wherever she goes.   A daddy's love is different.  Perhaps it's because of my own dysfunctional relationship with my own father that makes me feel this way.  I grew up with an amazing stepfather and I'll be eternally grateful to him.  It's the daddy's love that a little girl aches for.  I know that feeling.  I hated that feeling.  Still do.  He turned from me a few months ago when we ran into him at the grocery store.  He saw us, turned his cart and huffed off.  That stung.  For years I've been the one to avoid him.  I was about to muster up the courage to introduce him to his grand-daughter and he was gone.  While I want better for Mak, I also want better for me.  Even with an amazing stepdad to take his place, I still ache for his love.  I just hope Mak is stronger than me.  Maybe never knowing her father will make that easier.  Can you ache for a love if you don't know it?  Sometimes, okay, all the time.  I feel like I would have been better off never knowing my father.  Hopefully this turns out to be true for her.  Okay...I hadn't intended for this post to get so deep.  My point is, if her "daddy" can't be here to watch her grown and turn into an amazing little girl, I'll have to be both.  Hopefully I don't miss anything, but with everything happening so fast I'm afraid I will.  Slow down baby girl, mama can barely keep up.

green clovers

So where I work we like to decorate for the holidays.  Well we just pulled down all those nasty, disgusting red and pink heart things and just hung up these beautiful and vibrant green clovers for St. Patrick's Day.  There's something about the hearts that repulses me, but these clovers make me want to go skipping through a field of poppies.  Maybe it's what the color green represents, maybe it's because it's like a preview of spring.  Maybe it's because I'm starting to feel lucky, like my life is about to change for the better.  I don't know.  Just seeing them puts a twinkle in my eye and warmth in my heart.  I love spring, almost as much as I love fall.  I can't wait to get outside and get my hands dirty and to see all the wonders of spring pop up.  On the other hand I feel like we haven't even really had winter yet.  I really really hope this doesn't mean it will rain all summer.  =(  Maybe my good mood shift has something to do with the fact that Mak crawled for the first time yesterday.  All I know is that I've been in a dark, emotional hole the last few days and it feels damn good to feel alive again.

The Art of Being a Single Mom part 1

So being single isn't for everyone.  Some people enjoy being single, the freedom of it all.  The reckless abandon.  The thrill of the chase.  For me, I enjoy being single because that means I have no one to argue with.  There's no fighting, no drama.  It's bliss actually.  The downer...no one to share life's joys with either.  I come home but there's no one to share my day with.  Sure I have Mak, but there's only so much interaction she can handle at 7 months old.  Being single can be very lonely.  Fortunately being a single mom means you are too tired, too busy, too overwhelmed to really notice.  My pity parties are fewer and far between and last mere moments compared to what they use to be.  I know having a baby put a HUGE speedbump in my social life, but she sure does keep me busy.  In many ways I'm grateful.  Now I can raise her the way I want, no one else gets a say.  No one will fight me on issues I find important.  She makes me raise my standards on the type of people I allow in our lives.  The good part is that I don't have to think seriously about anyone in particular that I talk to.  However, a few less disappointments and heartbreaks would be nice.  Maybe in a way, being a single mom is an excuss to allow yourself not to get emotionally attached to anyone.  I fall in love easy...I fall fast and I fall hard.  When you have a small baby demanding all of your love and attention it's pretty easy to forget everything else.  There's very little time for me, let alone another person.  Tonight I found myself texting a few people at the same time...while trying to put the baby to bed, eat dinner, fold laundry and attempt to write this blog.  I started feeling annoyed that these people I was texting were taking up my valuable time.  It's very strange how my priorities have shifted.

Single's Awareness Day

"Shallow men believe in luck...Strong men believe in cause and effect." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is the post that started it all.  I'm now at the point in my life where I'm okay that I'm single.  Even if I'm single for many years to come.  I'm not alone and I'm certainly not lonely.  Honestly I'd rather be single and be happy then to be miserable and lonely with the wrong guy.  I use to view Valentine's Day as something black and ugly.  I'm usually always alone or with some guy and always disappointed.  I've termed this day "Single's Awareness Day."  This year I have my beautiful baby and although the wheels of fate didn't quite move in the direction I had expected them to, I wouldn't have it any other way.  She deserves a "real daddy" and I deserve a "real man."  No more settling.  So in light of up coming Single's Awareness Day I'm going to do a countdown to the day with specific traits I'm looking for in a mate...21 days, 21 Requirements, so here goes. *I have a feeling this list will get added as I find time to actually "date" again...LOL

Requirement #21) Must have a job...I don't care if he works the drive thru window at DD....he must make an honest income.

Requirement #20) must be comfortable enough in his manhood to understand that the phone works both ways...none of this wait 3 days to call BS...if you're thinking about me (or your daughter) pick up the damn phone

Requirement #19) Must be in reasonably good physical health/shape...I'm not saying he needs to be a contender for the next Ironman, but he needs to be able to go for a walk, work a job, and do some misc "manly" chores like shovel or mow the lawn without throwing out his back, knee or having a stroke....unless he's really rich and will leave me all his money...JOKING! *also added to this one, he must be willing to do some of the "guy stuff" like home repair, plumbing, you know...guy chores...which gives me an idea for another blog...

Requirement #18) must not be married, have any crazy exes that demand his attention and/or display stalking characteristics or otherwise be "unavailable" because of high demands from any other woman aka "mama"...I hope this one doesn't really require an explaination...non-negotible

Requirement #17) Must be a non-smoker, drug free, and a light to non-drinker...sorry for this one, but with a small baby now I need someone clean, responsible and healthy

Requirement #16) He must love and accept my child as his own and be willing to adopt her. We are a package deal and my baby deserves a daddy that will love her, support her and be there for her. My stepdad did this for me so I know that there are real men out there willing to take on a child that isn't "biologically" theirs ♥

Requirement #15) must enjoy cooking (or at least eating) and be willing to cook for me or at least with me once in awhile. I need a foodie, but a true blue foodie. I don't even care if what he makes me is just a PB&J...nothing screams sexual tension more than two cooks in a kitchen ;) Just don't tell me HOW to cook...I hate that...suggestions and new ideas are okay

Requirement #14) must be financially responsible...I'm not talking zero debt here, but you should make sure your bills are paid before buying a new video game for your Xbox...a little spending money and fun is okay but I don't want another person to support on my already pitiful income.

Requirement #13) excellent communication skills....the foundation to every relationship. I can talk for hours about nothing of great importance and that means a lot. I need a partner that will really listen to me, be my partner, be my best friend. When I speak I want to know that he's listening and that when he speaks, I listen. Interupting is not communication.

Requirement #12) must have individual interests and friendships outside of the relationship. I have my own and I think its healthy to maintain that seperateness...aside from unhealthy addictions anyway. Also important to share and participate in mutual interests and friendships ♥

Requirement #11) I want someone who will sometimes put me first before himself and others....very often in relationships I've taken the back burner...like my birthday...I was alone and pregnant while he was with his ex gf working on her car...that's not even kinda okay...

Requirement #10) must be content with low maintence fun as well as more elaborate fun. I.E. sitting on the couch watching a DVD as well as getting all dolled up for a night on the town. A girl loves variety...I'm more low key thou ;)

Requirement #9) to accept me for who I am, everything I have to offer. Know all of my faults but love me unconditionally

Requirement #8) must know how to argue constructively. In a relationship it's healthy to have disagreements, to voice concerns and issues. To talk about feelings without it getting heated, angry or involving name calling and bringing up the past.

Requirement #7) must have a high moral standard...that means he doesn't lie, cheat or steal....and especially doesn't cheat on me. I want a true blue faithful family man, always tells me the truth even if it will hurt. A real man doesn't hurt the ones he loves. So if he hurts you, it's not love.

 Requirement #6) must be compassionate, empathetic and caring. I'm the kind of girl that will stop the car and help a turtle across the road and drop everything when a friend needs me (within reason of course...no needy types) and I'd like my match to be equally as kind.

Requirement #5) I want a guy, 1 guy to prove that they aren't all the same...one without jealousy issues because I have guy friends and we talk and get together from time to time.

Requirement #4) I want someone who brings out the best in me, makes we want to be a better person. Someone that can teach me how to trust and believe in love again. Falling in love is the best feeling in the world ♥

Requirement #3) must have good dental hygiene...I appologize if this makes me a snob

Requirement #2) he must be himself at all times. My family can be a bit intimidating, but they are real accepting of people who don't try to impress them and are just themselves. We can see through fake a mile away. Besides...who wants to be someone they not?...self improvement sure, but if you don't like you ultimately I won't either

Requirement #1) must have goals, ambitions and drive. Some of my future goals include opening a coffee shop and building my dream home.  I want someone who is always pushing themselves to do better.

Requirement #1 part 2) must love to give and receive affection. Not necessarily in public but I'm a huge cuddler and love to hug, kiss and hold hands

So this post originated as a sort of joke on Valentine's Day.  A way to sort of snub my nose at the whole thing I guess, to make a joke of it.  As I reflect on the past 3 weeks, all the thought that went into these requirements, I've had a real eye opener. There's a lot of crap I've put up with over the years in my relationships.  I always thought that it was me, that I was setting unrealistic expectations on people.  In reality I was enabling them.  I didn't challenge them enough, I made it easy.  Now's the time to be honest with myself and to stop settling.  To realize my worth and what I have to offer another individual.  Now that I've rid myself of all the crap and drama I'm happier than I've been in years.  I'm discovering who I am and who I'm capable of being.  I'm accomplishing things I never dreamed possible.  Finding that self worth is amazing.  No man can do that for you, or at least if they can I've yet to find him.  True growth and change comes from within.  Perhaps I needed to open my eyes and see myself better.  Now for the first time I'm excited to find love.  Now I truly know what I'm looking for.  I'd never really thought it through before.  There were always things I just "overlooked" or figured I could "tolerate." It's refreshing to have standards.  It cuts out all of the junk in the middle because if we're honest, when you settle, you will never truly be happy.

Vday cookies

Alright...i've decided that next year i'm going to actually do this.  These cookies rock!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=k3lCHmUu73I

My new favorite song

Just something about this song speaks to me.  Maybe because it's about a guy hopelessly in love with a girl.  I'm not sure I can honestly say that a guy has truly ever felt like this towards me.  I hope someday to find a love like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3CUy4zubuk&feature=player_embedded

Dressing Room Mirrors

So here's the deal.  I had a baby 7 months ago.  I've lost all my baby weight and then some.  I'm falling out of my Pre-baby swimsuits and my maternity one is falling off.  I'm going away on vacation...I need a new swimsuit...no one likes buying swimsuits.  So I'm trying them all on and what exactly is up with dressing room mirrors...or dressing rooms in general.  The lighting is too bright and the mirrors are like something from a clown house, I mean really.  Nothing and I mean nothing you try on in a dressing room ever looks half as good as it does in the real world.  It's like some sick black hole these dressing rooms.  So I find one that I can live with and vow to buy a better one this summer.  So I get home where the lighting is more dim and my mirror is just a simple basic mirror and the bathing suit looks AWESOME!  I just don't get it.  Is it your mentality...the "I hate buying swimsuits" so you psych yourself out?  I'm not sure, but I notice this about a lot of things I try on in those places.  It's almost like after you buy the clothes they suddenly morph into the perfect fit!  They hang just right, hug the curves in just the right spot.  Show not too much, but just enough.  You'd think that being a ladies dressing room they would pull out all the stops to make you want to buy a gazillion dollars worth of merchandise.  I mean HELLO! dim the lights, get a girl in THE MOOD to want to look good in what she's wearing.  Am I really the only person that feels this way?

Letter to my daughter

Dearest Baby Girl,

I love you more than any words can say and I hope you understand that everything I do is for you.  My only mission is to give you the best life I possibly can and that means making sacrifices along the way.  Some day you will understand what this all means and I hope that you will forgive me for some of the choices I have made.  Don't take people too seriously.  That mean girl at school, she just acts that way because she's insecure.  Be above that.  Don't feel pressured to do things you aren't ready to just to get some guy to like you.  Learn from my mistakes.  That guy doesn't matter and will soon move on to someone else.  Wait until you find something real.  To know what "real" is look around you.  Who has something that's real?  Strive to be like them.  Always be kind to others, you never know when you might need their help.  Cut yourself a little slack, you are only human and we make mistakes.  Learning from them is the key.  Study hard and pay attention.  You may not believe it now, but it will pay off in the long run.  Don't waste anything.  Learn from other's experiences, save your money, take care of the Earth.  Do something nice for someone else, try to do this every day.  Even if they don't appreciate it, it will make your soul feel amazing.  Sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching and always laugh out loud.  Find something that you are naturally good at and condition your skill until you've mastered it.  Be humble.  There will always be someone that knows more than you do, take advantage of that and learn from them.  Give second chances, know when you are being taken advantage of and learn the difference.  Eat your vegetables.  Stop and smell the roses.  Fresh air and sunshine never killed anyone.  Sitting around and wasting your life has.  Above all else enjoy the life you have, if you aren't having fun do something to change that.  Only you can ultimately control your own happiness.  Know when it's time to splurge a little and enjoy.  Do something good for yourself.  Confide in someone trustworthy.  To quote Dr. Suess, "Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind."  Adopt a mantra.  Find someone that has their shmidt together and look up to them.  Be a leader, not a follower.  Be proud of yourself.  It's okay to cry, mama does it a lot.  Recognize your feelings and allow yourself to feel.  Be in the moment and then put it behind you.  If you feel overwhelmed, try to accomplish just one thing at a time.  It's amazing how much more you can get done when you prioritize.  Remember baby girl you are loved by many.  True wealth isn't determined by what you have it is measured by how much you love and are loved by others. 

Love forever and always,
Mama

Finding ME thyme

So the other day I had a bit of a meltdown.  Mak had been up screaming inconsolably all night long due to teething and I was a nervous wreck hanging by a thread.  I was exhausted, I had spit up in my hair and I had just come to the realization that I'd be single forever.  What guy in their right mind would want this?  The night before I felt like texting her father to tell him how much I hated him at around 3am.  What good would come of that?  He's not in the picture, not even a little.  I can't make him be the kind of father he needs to be and maybe even wants to be.  But this isn't about me, or him, it's about Mak.  It's about what she needs right now.  Right now she needs a happy mama.  My sister came over and helped me do something for me and that felt amazing.  Sometimes you just need to remember to take a bit of a time out for you, the rest can wait.  As overwhelming as it is...all the time...being a single working mom.  Chores to do, errands to run, playtime with Mak, it never ends and there never seems to be time for me.  I need to make the time and that's hard to do.  I'm trying though.  Everyone asks me how I do it, how I manage to do it all.  Honestly I'm still trying to figure that out.  All I know is that it gets done, eventually.  There isn't much time for me, but thankfully I'm low maintenance.  Just finding a half hour to read a couple chapters on my Kindle and I'm a new woman.  Even starting this blog, something I've wanted to do for years, is huge progress on the way to me time.  I've noticed that the more time I set aside for myself, no matter how small, I seem to have more motivation to accomplish some of the other stuff.  It's almost as if I'm creating thyme.

Getting Started.

So this blog has been a long time in the making.  I was always interested in blogging, but I just wasn't sure if what I had to say would matter or even be remotely interesting to anyone else.  Well, you know what, it doesn't matter.  If no one ever reads this blog it won't matter, sometimes you just need an outlet.  I finally got around to starting this blog because I started posting "snip-its" of my blog "Single's Awareness Day" and a friend of mine said I should blog about it, so here we are.